Comfort in the Arms of Darkness
by Zeon of the Twilight Blade
Summary: AU, Terra is killed while helping the Titans, Beastboy is sent into a depression and finds solice from a very unexpected source.
1. The Pain of Loss

Comfort in the Arms of Darkness

Author: Zeon of the Twilight Blade

A/N: …My muse owns me…it is really a pain…Anyway this one is a AU, Terra joins the Teen Titans and gets killed, this crushes Beastboy, who finds comfort from an unlikely source…Why do it that way? Because I haven't seen the last "Terra" Episode, and because I can.

Chapter 1 – The Pain of Loss.

They say that the greatest thing in the world is just to love, and be loved in return…but what If the one that you love is dead? What if you watched this person die right in front of you? What if you could do nothing to stop it? Is it still so great to love? When it's impossible that you affections will ever be returned? When you will never kiss those lips, stroke that hair, or gaze into those eyes ever again?

I don't know about you, but I think it bites. I think it bites big time…It happened last week.

We were in a fight with some baddies, Slade's cronies I think…I don't even remember… all I remember was turning and seeing her face as she fell to the ground, the ribbons of scarlet that floated down around her, the…the hand that reached out in my direction.

I went totally berserk, and slaughtered all of the remaining robots in an insane, blind rage.

When they were all gone, Cyborg did a scan, he told me she wouldn't make it long enough to even get to the car, he told me that is was a flying saw blade, clipped her neck just right. He told me if I had anything to say I'd better say it quick, and they all left the room.

"Beast…boy…" Terra mumbled

"Yeah Terra!" I held he gently, wishing I could just heal her.

"I…love you." She said, then coughed up some blood.

"I know Terra…I love you too." I replied, paying no head to the blood on my hands, or my uniform.

"Guess…I…shoulda'…ducked…" and with that she was gone, all life force faded away.

I trembled. I shook. Then I broke out in tears.

I don't know how long I was crying, could have been an hour, could have been two, could have been five minutes for all I know.

Eventually I picked up her body and gave it to Cyborg, he would take care of her, then I got into the back of the car.

Nobody said anything, normally we'd cheer, I'd make bad jokes, and Raven would be the only silent one. Not tonight, not one word was said, not one joke was told, and nobody even thought about having pizza.

We got back to the tower, and I went straight to my room, where I have been ever since.

I haven't slept for more than five minutes at a time. Because every time I do I see he face, I see her blood floating around her, I see her reach out to me and then crumple to the floor.

For the first two nights I heard Robin screaming, losing a team member is a leader's worst fear, but battle and blood had made him cold and hard. Robin has been in many more scraps than I have, he has felt the pain of loss more than once, but like the mask that perfectly hides his eyes, he has the ability to perfectly mask his emotions.

Starfire cried for a few days too, she told me through my locked door that I could talk to her, that I could trust her. But I knew better, Star is nice girl don't get me wrong, but she is too happy, she tries to cheer people up. That's not what I need, I need someone who can understand my pain…then again I don't know that for sure either…I don't know what I need…

Cyborg clamed up for a few days after Terra's death, then he seemed to get over it I guess he just had to tap into the heartless robot side a bit more…

Raven…I don't really know… nothing seems to faze Rae, and she never really liked Terra, so I guess it really didn't matter to her.

And then there is me, Beastboy, one week, three thousand tears and no food later, still hung up on the fact that the one I love is dead.

People look at me and see a goofball, the joker that tries to keep everyone happy all the time, but that is only one part of me, nobody sees me down, because even if I am, I can hide the fact. So I guess that in a way I'm a lot like Robin, even when I'm sad, I act happy, I have perfected my mask too.

Why? Why am I like that? Fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of acceptance. Fear that I'll let somebody get to close to the real me. Fear that they won't like what they see. Fear that they might get hurt.

So I wear my mask, and I pretend nothing bugs me and that's all there is to it.

But this incident shattered my mask, and so I covered my face by hiding in my room.

I've missed twelve disturbances this week, nobody bothered to come get me, I know that they are really worried about me, so they are letting me have my solitude.

But is solitude what I need? Do I need to be alone so I can brood over my troubles? Or do I need to have a shoulder to cry on, someone to tell me that it's all right, that it wasn't my fault. I don't know anymore.

I've even contemplated ending my life, but that'd just be a waste, just because I'm down and out, and don't feel like living doesn't mean I've got the right to give up. There are those in the world without superpowers, they depend on people like me to protect them…so I guess I will.

"Beastboy…open up…" I heard from the other side of my door, the voice was a slow monotone.

"What do you want Raven?" I asked, harshly I'm sure.

Raven had been my first love really, something about her never smiling mad me want to make her laugh that much more.

"We need to talk Beastboy." She said simply.

"I don't feel like it." I stated.

Part of the reason I was so attracted to Terra was because I knew that I could never have Raven. For awhile I had held hopes that maybe somewhere deep beyond those dark eyes she felt something for me, but eventually I gave up on that idea. Raven was darkness, and darkness feels nothing.

"Beastboy, either you open the door, or I open the door."

"Huh?" I was confused.

"Azarath…" Raven started.

Since when does Raven threaten to blow peoples doors in?

"Metreon…" She mumbled.

"_No way! She wouldn't bust in here!" _I thought to myself

"Zent…" She was almost done when I yelled, "Alright, alright…jeez…"

I opened the door using a remote next to my bed.

Raven stared into the room, probably surprised that it was perfectly clean.

When I closed my self in here, I felt like I was choking, I didn't have enough space, so I did something I hadn't done since moving in with the Titans.

I cleaned my room.

Not one of those quick teenage cleaning jobs either, this was military proficiency folded shirts uniforms hung, boots shined, the floor spotless kinda' things.

Raven then looked at the wall; she saw the bloody uniform.

I was going to throw it away, but I decided to hang in up as a symbol of sorts, Something to make me remember that no matter what, the things you love can be stripped away without a moment's notice.

I have several other uniforms, same make, specially designed for my shape changing powers, because when I try to change while wearing normal clothes, They either rip, or fall off, depending on what I turn into.

But when I got back I didn't have the heart to wear another uniform, so I just put one some plain clothes, a plain white Tee shirt and blue jeans.

Raven walked in and I shut the door with my remote behind her.

She looked at me, if I didn't know Raven I'd swear that she had concern in her eyes.

I looked at the floor, "So what do you want Rae?" I mumbled sadly.

...

Okay folks, there you go, if you want to read some more, then review. Please? C'mon! Don't turn away like that! Hello...?


	2. Things Left Unsaid

Chapter 2 – Things Left Unsaid

I don't own the TT…What…? I'm supposed to say something funny? …eh…Banana.

…..

"So what do you want Rae?" Beastboy asked me, he looked completely dead to the world.

_"Ha, ha. ha… That's right Raven, what DO you want?"_ The dark voice of my father called out into my mind, _"Someone to love you? Take care of you? Erase all your pain?"_

_ "That's right, that's what I want…but I can never have."_ I thought back, more to myself than anything.

"Raven!" Beastboy shouted. "What do you want! You didn't come here to stand there and stare at me I hope!

"…Sorry Beastboy, I got sidetracked…" I said in my usual monotone, "I…came to see how you were doing…"

Beastboy looked up at me; he looked surprised that I even cared, "Bad. I am doing very, very, bad."

He then shifted his view back to the floor before saying, "Is that all you wanted to know?"

_"No, I want to know everything about you, not just the funny you, but the serous you as well, I want you to view me as more than just a friend. I want you to love me…"_ I thought to myself. 

"_But that will never happen, not after what you let happen to her…" _Trigon mumbled into my consciousness.

"I guess so." I said quietly.

"Then please leave." Beastboy said, pressing the button on his door remote.

The door opened and I walked up to it, "I'm sorry." I said as I walked through.

_"You really are a coward you know that?"_

_"Yeah, I do."_

_"You are pathetic._

_"…"_

_"It's hard to even believe you are my daughter."_

_"…"_

_"Tell me daughter, why did you let her die?" _

_"…"_

_"She was in the way right? Moving in on your little Beastboy." _

_"…"_

_"But here is a better question, you have made up your mind to walk alone forever, so why kill their happiness?"_

_"…"_

"_Why? You are just like your old man, and that is the reason. You ENJOY watching people suffer!" _Trigon snarled the last part.

I was angry for a moment and a bolt of dark energy flew from me and busted out a window.

"Raven..." I looked towards the sound of the voice to see the team leader, "We need to talk, step into my room." The boy wonder said without emotion, ignoring the shattered window.

I walked into his room and sat down on the bed, Robin sat on a chair opposite of me.

Robin stared at the ground for a long time then finally said, "Why didn't you stop the saw blade Raven?"

"I…" I started but was interrupted.

"Don't try and deny it, you were right there, you had seen it Raven, you made a choice, and you made the choice to let her die." Robin didn't let any emotion slip through; his voice was as well guarded as his eyes.

"…" I couldn't say anything, I knew this meant I'd have to leave the team, and I'd never get a chance to tell Beastboy how I really feel.

"All I want to know is why Raven? Why did you let the saw hit her? If you tell me the truth, I won't make you leave the team, you are a valuable crime-fighter, and I don't really want to lose you. So I'm willing to put this all behind us, just for some information." Robin said quietly, "So what was your motive?"

"Robin…To me this is a secret paramount to your secret identity, it's not easy to just tell you." I said, a slight blush appearing on my cheeks.

"Raven, You know whatever you say would never leave my lips, the information would die with me." Robin assured.

"Terra…was completion…" I started.

"What do you mean Raven? Completion over what?" Robin asked, slightly confused

"B…Beastboy…" I stammered, "She was completion for Beastboy's love".

Robin leaned back in his chair, "Hmm…I might have guessed…so that means you are going to try to have emotions now?"

I looked at the floor; "Beastboy will never love me, especially if he knew that I didn't save the one he REALLY loved…"

Robin frowned, "So you will totally waste Terra's death." Robin sat forward in his chair and stared me in the face, "Nothing is more shameful that to make a warrior's death in vain, keep that in mind."

"…" I was again at a loss for words.

Robin got up and turned to walk to the door, then he stopped, "I won't kick you off the team, you are too valuable, but if I were you I wouldn't waste the death of a team member. You wanted her out of the way and now she is, follow through, or you will spend the rest of your live milling over the things left unsaid."

Robin left the room without another word.

I just sat on the bed for awhile.

_"So what will you do, little Princess of Darkness? Go after the little green one hmm?"_ Trigon was back 

_"…"_ I didn't even vindicate him with an answer, I walked towards the door, but then turned around, in the air vent I thought I saw something, but if I had it was gone so quick I couldn't identify it anyway.

I left and started walking down the hall; eyes focused on the floor.

_"C'mon honey, go ahead and tell him, tell him you KILLED his one love, I'm sure he'll forgive you."_

"Shut up." I actually mumbled.

"Whatever do you mean friend Raven?" It was the friendly alien voice of Starfire, I looked up at her, "I have not said anything to you yet." She said confusedly.

"Sorry Starfire, I wasn't talking to you…" I mumbled, I didn't feel like dealing with the overly happy alien girl at the moment.

Starfire looked up and down the hall, "But friend Raven, I am the only one here." She said in the same confused tone.

I sighed; I really didn't feel like dealing with this.

_"If only there was a Flying saw blade around. Eh, Raven?"_ Trigon muttered slyly into my mind, hoping to get a rise out of me. 

It worked.

My eyes shot open and several dark bolts flew from my body, leaving a few holes in the walls and ceiling.

Starfire stepped back, "I am sorry if I have upset you Raven, I suppose you are having a bad day, so I shall leave you to yourself." She walked by me in a much less cheery mood than before.

I continued my walk, ending it in my room, on the circle of silence, the only place where my father could not speak to my mind…that just left my own thoughts that interrupted my meditation.

"_So you are just going to waste Terra's death?" _Robin's voice echoed in my mind_.  
_

_"No, but…but I don't know whet will happen if I give into a powerful emotion…"_

"_You don't know what will happen if you resist such a powerful emotion either."_

"_That's true but…"_

"_You'd kill for him, but you can't just tell him?_

"…_Focus on meditation…"_

"Azarath…Met…" My mind interrupted me again.

"_If you don't follow though you will spend the rest of your life milling over things left unsaid."  
_

"…_I…I know but…"_

"_Robin is an expert on past mistakes, He is probably speaking from experience."_

"_Yes…but he…"_

"_But he what?"_

"_But he isn't like me."_

"_Yes he is, he's just like you, he feels that emotion will weaken him, but he knows how your powers work, that they work off of emotion, it's possible that if you had love, you may even increase in power."_

"Focus…Azarath…Met…"

"Listen to your heart for once!" 

"_I can't!"_  
"_You have too!"_  
"_I won't!"_  
"_You need too!"_  
"_I'll be fine!"_  
"_You love him!"_  
"_He'll hate me!"_

"_But at least you will know for once and for all. One way or the other"_

"…_I…I don't know if I want to know."_

"_You need to know, you will destroy yourself if you don't."_

_"I…I would…I would destroy myself…"_

"_So tell him."_

"_I…Will…"_

"I will." I voice aloud

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Okay boys and girls, if you want to see the next chapter, you are going to have to review, I need at least…Eh…say 5 reviews before I'll start on the next Chapter. I hope I get them, because I enjoy writing this stuff, but hey…you don't HAVE to review…you might hate the story and not want to see the next chapter, and if that's the case, I understand that too.


	3. Silver Metal

Chapter 3 – Silver Metal

Disclaimer: I STILL don't own Teen Titans, give me some time for goodness sake!

……………………………….

I crawled back through the vents in my mouse form, still trying to process what I had heard, Raven had let Terra die. I still can't believe she hates me that much, to kill the girl I love! But I hadn't heard WHY, she told Robin, but I couldn't hear what she had said.

When I found my way back to my room I changed back from my mouse form.

"Damn it…why did I let myself miss so much of that talk?"

_"Well, ever after hearing her motive, Robin didn't seem all that upset, maybe there was a point to her transgression…"_ I thought to myself.

"But what motive could she have for killing Terra? I mean she never liked her yeah, but if she had told Robin that she would have received a swift boot from the group…"

_"Maybe Terra had something she wanted? Maybe Robin understood that."_

"Maybe…maybe, but what? What did Terra have that Raven doesn't?

_"You."_

"What!" I shouted so shocked at my own thoughts that I felt like I was talking to someone else, "She doesn't care about me! What are you talking about!" Maybe the men in the white coats need to come get me; I'm not sure which is worse, thinking Raven has a thing for me, or chewing myself out for thinking it…

_"Think about it numbskull, that's all you will find that Terra had that she didn't."_

"Yeah, but…but what if Starfire had been my girlfriend? What then?" I asked myself.

_"She probably wouldn't have let Star die, they are friends, but Terra…"_

"Okay, okay, so supposing that she IS in love with me somehow, what the hell do I do? I mean, in one way it's a dream come true, I've had a thing for Rae from the start, but it's a nightmare in another way…oh man…"

_"Well, do you hate her?"_

"No, I could never HATE Raven."

_"But do you still love her? Are you angry with her?"_

"AAAHHH, I DON'T KNOW!" I shouted, overwhelmed be my thoughts.

My mind went quiet and so did I.

I decided I needed to talk to someone about this, I couldn't talk to Raven for obvious reasons, Robin was out of the question as well, Starfire was much to happy to even understand what I was asking…I guess that leaves Cyborg, the big brother to us all.

I spent the entire walk down to the security room thinking, and hoping that none of the other Titans would catch me outside my room. I got lucky, no one caught me away from my self-imposed imprisonment, the sliding door to the security room opened, and as I expected Cyborg was sitting watching the screens.

"The reports to yesterday's battle is on the table Robin." Cyborg said, not looking back from the screen.

"Well, that'd be fine if I were Robin." I mumbled loud enough to be heard.

Cyborg spun in his chair, looking surprised to see me, "Beastboy!" He said in shock, then after noting my solemn look he asked, "What's wrong bro?"

I glanced at the door nervously; he got the hint and did a couple keyboard strokes.

"It's locked." Cyborg said, looking straight at me, "What's wrong man?"

"I wish I knew it all…so much is wrong that I've lost track." I said quietly.

I looked up at his screen; it looked like a video of last week's battle.

"So you know." I said.

He glanced up at the screen, "Yeah, Robin has a micro cam on his mask, he uses it to review battles that went south, he brought it to me the day after the battle…"

I looked at the screen, it was paused focused on Terra, in the background was the flying saw blade that would kill her seconds later, and even farther back was Raven, looking on at the saw and Terra.

"Robin said he was going to talk to her tonight." Cyborg said, "Try to find her motive…"

"He did talk to her, he did find her motive…he hasn't talked to you yet?"

"Nope, what was her motive since it seems like you were listening in on them." Cyborg guessed astutely.

"I don't know, I couldn't hear all of they're conversation. But Robin didn't kick her off the team…"

"I see, so he must have understood why she let it happen." Cyborg said to himself mostly.

"What should I do Cy? I don't know what to do…I…I loved Terra, and Raven is responsible for her death…but Terra was like second place to me…"

Cyborg's human eye glinted with interest, "Really? So who was first place?"

"…Raven…Raven was first place, all the jokes I cracked and all the goofy things I did were worth it if all I ever got was a smirk out of her…but she was so emotionless that she seemed totally unattainable. Then, when Terra came into the picture, it became a whole new ball game. This girl showed an interest in ME, not just a one sided love that I had with Raven…I figured that Raven would never care for me, so I settled into the idea of the silver metal, Terra."

"But the gold metal didn't like that idea I guess."

"But why Cyborg? Why would she do that? Does she hate me?" I asked confusedly.

"No. I'd say it's probably just the opposite."

"So you think she was in love with me!"

"Is, not was, is in love in you." Cyborg corrected

"But if that's the case, supposing she did it because she's in love with me, What do I do? She killed someone I care very deeply for…but I've always cared more for Raven…"

"I don't think I can help you BB, I'm not well versed in romantic endeavors, nobody shows any interest in a cyborg, so I really don't know how to help you."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing. But keep in mind, if you can forgive her for what she has done, maybe you could find happiness with her."

"I…I don't know…" I turned to walk out.

"Wait BB, you don't want to be seen I'm guessing, so maybe you should go though the vents." Cyborg suggested.

"…Thanks." I walked over to the vents, "Cyborg?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for listening…but this meeting never happened."

"Gotcha, you've been in your room all this time."

I nodded, then turned into my mouse form to get through the vents.

I went trough the vents back to my room and sat on the bed when I got there.

"What do I do…" I asked my action figures, but they didn't answer, useless little things…

"What should I do Terra…?" I asked just before sleep claimed me.

_"Forgive her Beastboy…"_

_"Forgive her Beastboy…"_

_"Forgive her Beastboy…"_

………………………..

Another chapter bites the dust, and if you guys want the ball to keep rolling, 10 reviews (On chapter 3) will get me to work on the next chapter.

Reviewer notes:

The Last: Thanks for your advice.

beckycrazyTTfan: Thanks for the reviews, and Hugs Feel better?

To all the other reviewers that didn't ask questions, don't feel left out, I love you all, plase keep reviewing and thanks for your reviews so far.  



	4. Unforeseen Repercussions

Chapter 4 - Unforeseen Repercussions

Hi, this is the next chapter…Hopefully there will be no glaring typos this time…Sigh… Metal… Medal…Whatever…anyway, this in the next chap, enjoy.

……………………………………………

I stood in front of my mirror, trying to figure out how to tell him about what I had done, "Beastboy Hey, I killed your girlfriend, want to go out with me?" I mumbled to myself bitterly, "Beastboy…I'm sorry…I only did it because I…"

_You can't even say it here, in the comfort of your own room, how do you expect to say it to his face? _Trigon asked, actually more curious than sinister for once.

_"I don't know."_ I thought, as if I was answering one of my own thoughts. 

"_You could always do what I did to your mother…" _Trigon sneered.

My eyes flashed red and I shot out a dark bolt, the wall absorbed it.

When I moved into my room in Titans Tower, I had my walls coated with a special material that absorbs darkness, I did it for just this kind of purpose, just in case Trigon found one of my hot buttons.

_"What you did to Mother was inexcusable…"_ I thought angrily, _"What you are doing to be is inexcusable…"_

"_And what are you going to do about it?" _Trigon laughed, _"You can't defeat me and you know it."_

"…" I went back to ignoring him; it was the only thing that made him shut up sometimes.

"_I'll kill him..." _Trigon issued in a slightly less confident voice

My eyebrows raised, I could swear as I looked at the mirror I saw a shadow of Trigon.

_"What?"_ I sent back.

_"If… you go near him…I'll…Kill him."_ Trigon said, keeping the odd tone that I had never heard before.

"…" I thought to myself for a moment, in the deeper reaches of my mind where Trigon couldn't go, finally I thought back to him, _"No…I don't think you will."_

"_You doubt what I am capable off?" _He said, trying to regain lost credibility

"…_Yes, you paused, you never pause, never once in your entire existence in my mind have you ever paused…" _I thought back, I felt slightly empowered by the fact that, for the moment at least, I had the upper hand.

"_You are a fool." _Trigon said in a condescending tone, lacking however, the confidence that usually dwelled in his voice.

"_You are afraid…aren't you? You know something I don't!" _I went on the offensive.

"…_Even if you do tell him! He doesn't love you!" _Trigon was losing, for the first time ever, Trigon, was losing.

"_We shall see about that!" _I yelled back to him.

"_If he doesn't love you, your own darkness will consume you! I'll make sure of it!" _Trigon was trying unsuccessfully to make me lose steam.

_"Fine, if he doesn't love me that I'd rather die anyway."_ I stated truthfully. 

I stood there for a moment staring at the mirror, the shadow I had seen had disappeared, and for the first time in my life, I had defeated Trigon at his own game, I felt him regress into another part of my mind without another word.

There was then a soft nock at my door.

"Friend Raven? I would be most pleased if I were allowed to speak to you, may I come in?" Starfire said quietly from the other end of the door.

Normally I did not let anyone in my room, normally nobody would even bother asking. But it wasn't a normal situation, so I opened the door with my mind.

Starfire looked slightly surprised that I had let her in, but walked in none the less, I then closed the door behind her.

I walked over and sat on my bed Starfire followed.

"What's wrong Starfire?" I asked, remembering my not-so-friendly encounter with her earlier.

"Friend Raven…I…I needed to tell you something…" Starfire's eyes started to well up with tears, "You are the only one I can trust…"

I was expecting anything but what was happening in front of me, anger, disgust, maybe even the demand for an apology, but tears?

I paused, and then said, "What is it Star?"

"I…I…I think I could have saved…" She sobbed for a moment then continued, "I think could have saved friend Terra… and now everyone is so quiet around me…Friend Raven…it's as if they think I could have too…"

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes; I looked straight at the floor, unable to meet her gaze.

"I don't know friend Raven…it just happened so fast and she was right in front of me and she was looking right at me and I saw the bladeandIsawthebloodohgodthebloodthatthatthatfellfromherand…" Starfire was breaking up, her words were running together and she burst out crying again, harder than before.

I stared at the floor for the first time noting the fact that I needed to replace a few patches.

I wasn't looking at he but I could imagine her face, and her eyes streaming with tears as sure as I was looking her right in the eye.

She tried to compose herself, she had to pause every once in awhile to keep from breaking up, "The first few nights I cried, I criedbecauseof…because of the loss of a friend. But recently I've been thinking about thebattle and thatpictureofherface…that…picture…of…her…face…" She had to pronounce every word to keep herself from falling apart again.

"That I saw, just as it hit her…and I keep thinking that I could have…stopped it…" Star whispered the last part.

I stared at the floor, mute, unable to say a thing. This wasn't Starfire; this wasn't the girl that talked about things and customs on a planet that none of us knew anything about. This was not the girl who was constantly a happy ball of pure energy. This was not the girl who once got drunk off of root beer and almost told Robin just how much she cared about him…

I couldn't be…this girl before me was serious and brooding, and she had actually given so much thought to the matter that she was making herself sick with worry.

"Is…that what it is Raven?" She had straightened up a bit, stiffened her lip and was trying to stifle her crying squeaks.

"No…" I said quietly, staring at the floor, "It wasn't you Star…"

I looked up, the sadness was now a sad confused look that must be something like the look that serial killers get from god when they die, a "Why? What do you mean? Why did you do it?" Kind of look that pierced me to my very soul.

"What do you mean… friend Raven?" Starfire said uncertainly

I kept the monotone in my voice, "Me…I was the one…that could have saved her…I'm the one that they are…thinking about…not you…" I was being careful how I said it, I intended to tell her the truth, but only if I was forced to.

"I sure there was nothing you could have…"

I cut her off, "Yes! Yes there was Star! I…I made a choice, and I made the choice to let her die…"

Starfire was silent for a moment; she was the one staring at the floor now, I wondered absently if she thought I needed to replace a few patches of flooring too.

"Why…?" Starfire said in something below a whisper.

I too was staring at the floor now, "Because she took my hope…"

Starfire must have somehow pieced together the meaning of that incredibly vague remark, because the next word she said was "Beastboy…"

I looked up at her, and she looked up at me during the same moment.

We stared at each other for a moment, as if exchanging information telepathically.

"Have you told him yet?" She said, her voice much less shaky, but still slightly unnerved.

"No…" I whispered.

"Well you had better." She said in a strong, yet slightly scared voice, as she got up from the bed, "Because if friend Terra's death were to be in vain…I don't think I could forgive you Raven." I felt a bit of coldness from the word Raven; a coldness that I'd never heard Starfire use in her life.

I nodded, afraid of what I may say to make her think even less of me.

She opened the door and went out, leaving me to myself.

_"Some unforeseen repercussions, Eh Raven?"_ Trigon was back in the driver's seat; I said nothing in reply, I waited long enough that I knew that Starfire would have moved on and then walked out my door. 

"_Destiny or death await…" _I thought to myself, and I started towards Beastboy's room. "_Either way, this will be over soon…_

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AN: Well…I guess that you guys don't respond to the whole "Review quota" so this time, you will just have to shower me with reviews, or wait until my muse tells me it's time to write the next chapter.


	5. Forgiveness isn’t Easy

Chapter 5 – Forgiveness isn't Easy

A/N: You guys and gals are really lucky that I have such a bossy muse… because on side of me says to let the people wait for awhile, but my muse says "Get off yo Sorry butt and type stupid!" soooooo…

Disclaimer: YOU KNOW BETTER ALREADY! I didn't own it two chapters ago, why would I own it now?

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I awoke in a dreamscape, so I guess that means I really didn't wake up at all, but it felt so real… the landscape all around me was black at the moment, no figure could been seen.

"Forgive her Beastboy." A voice said quietly, it was right beside me, I turned and saw Terra.

Terra was dressed the same way she was the first time I met her, the wound in her neck was nowhere to be seen.

"Terra! How!" I was awestruck, she wasn't alive, because I know I saw her die, but there she was, standing right in front of me.

"Silly Beastboy!" She said playfully, "I'm still dead, but now I'm a part of you."

My face must have been quite a sight because she burst out laughing.

"Well, I guess I'm nor really PART of you, I'm just…always watching you." Terra said quietly.

"So…you are like my guardian angel or something?" I asked confusedly.

Terra smiled, "Something like that."

I looked at my feet, I was dressed in my uniform, "So…I guess you heard everything for the past couple weeks huh?"

Terra bent down and touched the ground, changing it from blackness into a small patch of flowers, "Yeah Beastboy…I heard it all, Silver Medal huh?"

I grimaced, suddenly wishing that I could take back everything I had said in the past forty-eight hours.

"It's alright Beastboy…I knew way before I died that your heart belonged…belongs… to Raven." She said knowingly, "It's important that you be honest with yourself…I…I know you cared for me Beastboy, I have no doubt about that. But…but I also know that you have been in love with Raven since long before I showed up…" Terra plucked one of the flowers and stuck it in her hair and smiled sadly.

I stared at the small flowerbed, not knowing what to say, so I simply said, "Sorry Terra…"

Terra smiled a normal smile at me, "Don't be, you haven't done anything wrong…I could tell about your feelings on Raven early on…but rather than try and get you two together…I tried to take you for myself." Terra's eyes were filled with memories, "I was selfish, and I knew that it was bound to fail on way or another." She shook her head, "So I want you to forgive her…in fact…I insist you forgive her…I want to see you happy again Beastboy…and I know you will never be unless you end up with Raven."

I frowned, "But she basically killed you Terra…Aren't you bitter about that?"

Terra sighed, "At first…At first I was…at first I wanted nothing more than to hurt her…but that would be counterproductive, I want you to be happy more than anything Beastboy."

Terra paused, thinking of how to word what she was thinking, "I caused you a lot of needless pain…and I believe Raven can heal some wounds I left on you. I believe you can heal each other's wounds.

Terra laughed softly, "Besides, by letting me die, she also freed me from Slade…now I get to stay with you Beastboy, I get to watch over you always and enjoy when you are happy…and try to talk to you when you are sad…"

Tears were welling up in my eyes but I made no move to wipe them, "Forgiveness isn't easy…Terra…I'm not sure if I can…"

Terra smiled that sad smile again, "I know Beastboy…but you have to ask yourself…Do you still love her?"

I just stood there…I didn't know what to say, did I? Did I still love her, even after this?

Terra waited for a moment, then, sensing I wasn't going to answer she said, "Love never dies Beastboy, never, it gets sick, it falters, and it gets wounded…but it never dies…unless you kill it."

I stared at the now expanding flower patch; it was three times the size it was before.

Terra continued, "Love can only be murdered, never die on it's own…that's what makes it such a powerful emotion…"

I looked up; "I meant what I said…when I told you I loved you…"

Terra smiled, "I know you did Beastboy, I know you do, but I'm not alive anymore…and you didn't love me as much as you love Raven and you know it."

I once again was staring at the ground, "Where are we anyway?"

Terra gently lifted my face with her hand; "This is your heart Beastboy…the darkness that is all around is the angst that you have allowed yourself to fall into…"

My eyes looked at the flowers, "So I'm getting better?"

Terra stared me right in the eyes, "Yeah. You are."

We just stared for a moment; neither of us said anything.

Terra smiled, "Well…You are going to wake up soon…I have to go…love never dies Beastboy…But when you kill it, you lose part of yourself…I know as good as anybody.

Terra then softly kissed my cheek, "But it's your choice Beastboy, yours and yours alone." And with that, she disappeared, the flower she had put in her hair drifted softly to the ground.

I walked over and picked it up, I stared at it for a moment.

"Titans! Assemble in the Security Room!" Robin's voice cut though the landscape.

Everything around me faded, and when I opened my eyes next I was in my room.

I rolled out of bed and set my feet on the floor.

In my hand, was the flower…how I have no idea, but it was there alright, no doubt about it, I went over to my nightstand and set it there.

I had changed into one of my uniforms before spying on Robin and Raven, I glanced up at the bloody one on my wall and sighed, "Guess I should get back to work huh?"

The uniform didn't reply.

I walked down to the Security room; I took in a deep breath before walking in.

"…And Starfire, you flank them they won't be expecting a…" Robin stopped when he saw me, in fact, everyone in the room turned to stare at me.

"So what do I do?" I said, trying to break the ice, looking up at the screen to see where we were headed…

It was the warehouse that Terra was killed in…

What were the chances…?

"Beast…boy…you…" Robin caught himself and went back to his mission planning tone, "You provide back up to someone, I'll leave that up to you…Titans, go!" Robin ran jumped onto a poll that led to the basement, he was soon followed by Cyborg, and Star flew out the window.

Raven was staring at me, as if she was shocked to see me out of my room, "Beastboy…I…" She started.

"It can wait Raven, we need to talk, but not until this fight is over, let's go." I said calmly, trying to keep emotion out of my voice.

Raven quietly nodded and flew out the widow after Terra; I changed into a falcon and followed shortly.

The scene was not pretty from the start, it was Slade's robots again, and there were actually more this time.

I was busy fighting three by myself, disobeying Robin's orders to pair up with someone, but I didn't really care what he thought.

I turned into one of my favorite forms, the T-rex, and lunged at a robot...

And then I saw her face…

"_I…love you."_

"_I know Terra…I love you too."_

My eyes widened, it was one of the last things I had said to Terra, and it went though my head as is if I was watching a movie, cutting off my vision.

_"Well, do you hate her?"_

_"No, I could never HATE Raven."_

_"But do you still love her? Are you angry with her?"_

Do I still love her? I think I do…I wouldn't be having so much trouble deciding if I didn't…would I?

This was a sound only exchange, because it was all in my head the first time I had heard it, my vision cleared just in time to see that I was just about to get hammered in the face, so I turned into a turtle to absorb the blow.

The robot hit me clear across the room; I transformed into a monkey in mid-air and was about to bound off the wall when Cyborg clouded my vision…

_"Nothing. But keep in mind, if you can forgive her for what she has done, maybe you could find happiness with her."_

"_I…I don't know…"_

Could she make me happy? Could I save her from her eventual self-destruction?

Pain exploded in my face, my vision cleared to find that I was staring at the ceiling, I had missed the bounding off the wall idea by a long shot, I had even smacked into the wall so hard that I reverted to regular Beastboy form.

Three robots surrounded me, I turned into a Raptor and lunged at one of them, tearing it apart with my talons, I then lunged at another, transforming in midair onto an elephant, my momentum carried me right through the robot, crushing it.

I turned back into myself, and thought for a moment how to defeat the last one, then another vision appeared…

_"Forgive her Beastboy."_

Terra's face clouded my mind once more, and this one cleared quickly, but not quick enough, the robot had launched a saw blade at me, and I noticed just in time to jump slightly, not thinking to turn into a humming bird or something.

It hit me in the right side of my stomach, of course it had been aimed for my neck, but that fate had been avoided. It didn't change the fact that I screamed when it hit me, I made much more noise than Terra had, Terra had let out a cry, but only a soft one, if no one had been looking at her, we may have not noticed her fall.

I had screamed so loud that the rest of the fighting stopped for a moment, friend and foe alike looked to see me twist and to the ground.

I don't know how long I stayed conscious. I had blacked out, I knew that much because I couldn't see anything, but I heard a muffled female scream, not in terror, not in rage, but I sickening mixture of both at the same time that must make nice elevator music in hell.

Then I felt arms around me, I didn't know who's arms they were, I wanted to open my eyes so bad, so bad that it hurt, but my eyes would not obey me.

The arms squeezed me, not hard, not roughly, just a gentle squeeze, like the kind you get from an old friend that you haven't seen in a long time, or the kind that lovers share every now and then.

_"Love never dies Beastboy"_

The arms made me feel safe, made me feel…comfortable…

I totally blacked out then, no thoughts or awareness…as if I fell asleep, cradled by the arms of darkness

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Hey, if you review this story…um…you will find…um…that French fries will taste slightly better to you… try it! C'mon!


	6. Irony

Chapter 6 – Irony

Chapter six for the good little boys and girls.

Disclamer: Own Teen titans? That depends on your definition of "Own"…

AN Upon seeing the newest (Well at the moment to me anyway) Episode "Birthmark", I realize that I have to call this one a full on AU rather than the slightly AU that I was calling it before, anywho, that won't stop me, I will finish this!

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I watched him fall, and then I knew, I knew just what I had put him though, I knew how it hurt him to watch it, I knew how much he wished it had been him taking the saw blade. I had just learned the true meaning of pain, watching the person you love the most, quite possibly die right in front of you. He had jumped in order to avoid the saw, and he almost pulled it off. Sadly it hit him in the stomach, blood flew out as he spun in the air, and the scream he let out had frozen us all, we all looked at the falling boy, even Slade's robots…

"_Ironic…Isn't it?" _Trigon muttered.

Something deep inside me snapped, My eyes turned bright red and I let out a primal scream, I think that I got almost as much attention as Beastboy had.

The scream itself as chilled even me to the bone, but what I did next was unbelievable. There were about thirteen robots left…but then, my body floated slowly into the air, I was not doing this, nor was Trigon, but something else motivated me at that moment.

Revenge.

From my point in the center of the room, I screamed yet again, all my emotions that I had held down for so long were coming right to the surface.

Darkness was slung from my body in all directions; friend and foe alike were trying to avoid the bolts.

My scream grew louder; it was not just a scream of rage, pain, loss, or insanity, but a very strange mixture of all of them.

The robots had been destroyed; they really hadn't had a chance in the first place.

Robin had to risk his life and tackle me in order to stop me, but he succeeded.

My eyes turned back to they're usual violet color and I looked at my teammates, and then I looked away.

Starfire had taken several bolts of darkness; she was holding her side in pain.

Cyborg was holding his now mangled robot arm in his human hand.

Robin had avoided every bolt tossed at him, but he still looked at me disapprovingly.

I twisted my head to where Beastboy was lying, and I realized something, the whole building was covered in left over darkness from my attack, everywhere except that spot where Beastboy was.

I rushed over to him and cradled his head in my arms gently.

"You can't die on me Beastboy…" I whispered as my tears fell without even the slightest amount of resistance from me, "I know that this is exactly what I deserve, for failing you…for letting her die…but please Beastboy…Please don't die…Please…"

A green aura surrounded us; Starfire in spite of her injuries had picked us up with her powers and put us in the C-car.

Beastboy was still breathing, he still had a pulse, but his breath was shallow and his pulse was faint, this was too big an injury to risk using my small amount of healing powers on…I'd do more harm than good…

"Beastboy…stay with me Beastboy…you have to stay with me Beastboy…" I cried to the young changeling, "I can't lose you Beastboy, you are the only thing that keeps me from giving up…please Beastboy…Please…" I was for the first time in my life, openly crying.

"Raven…" I heard Robin say from the passenger seat, "Beastboy…Beastboy is strong…He will make it Raven…He'll make it…"

Cyborg, who was driving one handed as fast as he could confirmed, "He's always been tough Raven, he doesn't show it but he is, he will fight it off…"

Starfire piped up beside me, "Friend Raven…you must believe in him…"

I was touched, despite the fact that I had shot friendly fire at every one of my teammates, they still stood behind me, Robin hadn't thrown me off the team, Starfire had gone back to calling me "Friend" Raven, and Cyborg hadn't cracked one bad joke about his arm.

"I'm…sorry for losing control…" I said to them, "I hurt you all…"

Robin shook his head, "It's okay Raven, we all understand, we've all been there, we've all made mistakes…"

The rest of the ride was mostly silent, I was still crying softly, Robin and Cyborg were speaking quietly about Beastboy's injury, and Starfire said nothing, she just watched us, not uttering a word.

…………………………

We pulled into the Tower and rushed Beastboy to the emergency room, Robin insisted that I stay by his side rather than work the machines, but I said I needed a breath of fresh air and he allowed me to go outside.

I walked to the back of the Tower, right up to the grave.

Robin didn't know or couldn't remember Terra's last name, or her age, so he had just carved…

Terra.

A great friend and crime fighter.

A warrior's life cut far too short.

And A love that never had a chance to bloom.

I stared at the grave for a moment, then said, "I'm sorry Terra…I know now just what I did…the damage that I caused…everything…I know now that I…don't deserve Beastboy's love, not after all I've done…"

"_Of course you don't, I've been telling you that all along," _Trigon said in his most sinister voice.

_"Not now…"_ I thought to myself, I didn't want to have to deal with this.

_"You can never have anyone!"_

"_Stop it!" _He had caught me at a very bad time, god why wouldn't he just shut up…

_"Face it child, you are alone in the world, you can't ask something of them…they can't stop me…"_

_"Leave me be…"_

_"Never…"_

I curled up beside the grave crying. He normally wouldn't get me this far, normally he wouldn't be able to get anything out of me besides anger maybe, but I had just watched the last thing I had ever wanted to see happen.

_"I deserve this…I deserve to die…"_

_"That's right…give in…"_

_"I killed Terra…I deserve to die…to…not even exist…"_

_"That's right…almost…"_

**"STOP! Leave her alone!"** I heard a female voice shout, I couldn't believe it, it was not someone around me, but a voice right in my own head, and it was the voice of…

"_Terra!" _Trigon shouted in surprise.

**"That's right Trigon! And this is a soul you won't be taking over tonight!**" With that, a strange power flooded my body and Trigon was driven to the farthest reaches of my mind. 

Then, as if from exhaustion, I fell to the ground unconscious.

……………………

I awoke in a dream; the entire area was black, with large dark red splotches that glowed slightly.

I turned around and found myself staring Terra in the face.

"Gah!" I shouted, slightly surprised, "Terra! How…?"

Terra smiled softly, with a kind of sadness and wisdom that hadn't existed when she was alive.

"I always wondered…what was under the mask you wear, hiding the truth more completely than any other mask possibly could…Now I know…" Terra said, almost to herself.

"What are you doing in my head Terra?" I asked with a look of confusion on my face.

Terra shook her finger slowly in a "no, no" gesture, "Not your mind Raven, we are in your heart, where your true self and emotions lie dormant."

"My…heart…?"

"Yeah…the redness is Trigon's influence…"

I took another look around to see that there was much more red than black, "I'm that bad off huh?" I mumbled self pityingly as I looked at my feet.

Terra walked up to me and gently raised my head with one hand, "Raven…He needs you…and you need him…He can clear this up." She said as she stared softly into my eyes.

"Needing and loving are two different things." I said, wanting to turn my head away, but unable to for some strange reason.

Terra shook her head, "You love him…and if he didn't love you, he would have killed you by now…"

I felt tears upon my face, "I refuse to use him, he wouldn't have any scars if it weren't for-

My face stung, my left cheek went into pain and the next time I opened my eyes I was on the ground, staring up at Terra, who's face looked very angry, she had slapped me.

"Raven! You know as well as I do he has had emotional baggage since before he met either of us, you know that, while it may not be as sob a story as yours…Beastboy hasn't had an easy life."

Terra was starting to cry too, "Terra-"

"-No!" She shouted, "You are going to hear me out!"

She drew in a breath and steadied herself, "I've seen into Beastboy's heart…it's almost as black as yours Raven…yes, granted he is still mourning my loss, but he has also had so much of that darkness for so long that I couldn't even see what was under it. He wears a mask as surely as Robin does, and as surely as you do, he hides behind bad jokes and a stupid act…and you know it…"

My eyes shifted to the side, no longer able to look he straight on.

She walked up to me and extended her hand, "I am his guardian now, I am always with him, but I can't save him from himself."

I grabbed her hand and she helped me up, "So you were the one that protected him from my blasts?"

Terra sighed, "Yes and no, I was there, I had a shield raised…but not one of your shots came towards him…"

"So how did you…help me?"

"I had to leave Beastboy for a little while to save you…I have a bit of an inside track to these things now that I'm dead…" Terra laughed, though it sounded slightly forced, "Anyway, my point is, I'm not mad at you. Beastboy has always felt something for you, more than and longer than he felt for me…so you have my blessing…"

Terra closed her eyes for a moment; "Only he can defeat him forever…that's why he's afraid…"

"What do you mean?" I asked, understanding and not at the same time.

"You will know if you try…but no matter what, go sit by him…he needs you to be there when he wakes up…"

She opened her eyes, "Oh yeah, sorry about the slap…but you deserved it…"

………….

And with that, my eyes opened, I was lying right in front of Terra's grave.

"Thank you…" I said quietly as I turned to walk back in, but then I stopped and turned around knelt at the grave.

After I was done, it read…

Terra.

A great friend and crime fighter.

A warrior's life cut far too short.

And A love that never had a chance to bloom.

An incredible teacher, and forgiving soul…thank you.

With that, I turned and walked back inside to take my place beside Beastboy…the place I belonged.

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A/N Getting near the end kids, there are probably two or three more chapters to go…unless somehow I get RAVE reviews...then I may consider a sequel…

P.S. A big thank you to the people that have reviewed...and a WHY! WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO ME! To the ones that haven't

In other news, I think I'll be working on a RobinXRaven soon, seems to me that they are just as likely or more likely a couple…but who knows?


	7. Truth and Consequence

Chapter seven – Truth and Consequence

A/N Thanks, for once you guys all reviewed, and your reward…is another chapter.

Disclaimer: No, not yet…but when I'm rich and famous…

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"A…tunnel?" I asked the air, looking in front of me, a white light beckoned me to come into it, it was a warm, healing light, so bright that it made me feel much better than I had in a long time, I started towards the light.

"WAIT!" the voice of Terra called out to me from the light; I squinted and saw that she was standing silhouetted against the light.

"Why Terra? If I continue won't we be together again?"

Terra walked up to me with her eyes filled with concern; "I…don't know Beastboy. You see…as I said before, I am your guardian sprit…but not angel…or demon…I'm in limbo right now, somewhere between…and as of right now it's my job to keep you alive…as it is we may be headed in different directions…"

"What!" I shouted, "They can't send you to Hell! You-"

"-Beastboy!" Terra cut me off, "Beastboy, in my life…I did some awful things…things…that I never told you about, things that when I look back on them now…make me sick to my stomach…" Terra said quietly.

"But…You didn't have control of your powers, it wasn't-"

"-Not every time…no, not every time was it my fault besides losing control…but there were some times…that I used my powers…to hurt people…too...kill...people." Terra said, even softer than before.

"W…why Terra?" I asked, confused, unable to believe what she was telling me.

She stared at the ground, unable to meet my gaze, "There…was a couple…they took me in…said that they would help me…and…for awhile, I was happy, they treated me with kindness, and never tried to harm me…"

I opened my mouth to say something, but she went on, "There had been a couple incidents involving my powers going out of whack, just little ones, nothing to powerful. I told them about my power, and they said they would accept me even if I randomly shot green goo out of my ears…" Terra had let out a few tears by now, but seemed determined to hold it in.

"So…what…happened?" I asked carefully.

Terra wiped her eyes and continued, "I was only about eight at the time…but one night about a week later I had walked by the living room a bit after what they said was my bedtime, I was thirsty, so I was after a glass of water…"

I kept my mouth shut; I wanted to hear the rest.

"As I walked by the doorway, through the half open door, I hear the woman of the house, Maria, say to her husband, James, 'She scares me James, the whole place could be destroyed.'"

Terra swallowed some bile that had risen up in her throat, "And I stood there, waiting to hear what James would say, I expected him to say 'Well at least she doesn't shoot green goo out of her ears!' and play it off like it was a joke…"

I was starting to see where this was going, but I kept my mouth shut still.

Terra blocked some more tears, "He said…'She scares me too…I think it would be best if she was killed…' I was shocked, this man had been kind to me, and for a short while, even been like a father too me, and now he said I should be killed…"

Terra gave up on holding back the tears, it was a losing battle to even try, "I was still standing in the hallway, too shocked to move, Maria then said, 'How do you think we could do it?'…She was agreeing with him, they were going to kill me, I couldn't believe it…"

"Terra…you don't have to go-"

"-I do. You need to know that I was not a perfect girl by any means." Terra said firmly, then went back to her story, "So James said, 'I think if I smother her while she is asleep, she wouldn't be able to get us…I'll go now…' Maria replied with a 'Be careful James!' and I heard him get up."

Terra stopped for a long time, the next part must have been the hardest for her to tell, "By now, shock had been replaced with rage, I now hated James and Maria, and James opened the door to find me standing there. 'Terra! I…what are you doing here?' James shouted in surprise at seeing me in the doorway with my small hands curled into fists, gritting my teeth, and for the moment barely containing the urge to kill him."

Terra paused again to look up at me, then went back to string at the ground, "I looked up at him, and said 'why?' A simple one-word question, but I said in a voice that was deeper than darkness, it was the voice of a deranged man who had seen one too many deaths in his day."

I was crying now too, I had no idea just how hard Terra's life really had been.

Terra continued after wiping her eyes again, "Both of they're eyes showed immense fear, "We were just kidding honey, we wouldn't hurt you." James said, leaning down to my level with a fake smile on his face, 'LIAR!' I screamed at his face, 'THAT'S ALL YOU'VE DONE TO ME IS LIE! YOU NEVER LOVED ME!'"

Terra shuttered, "Maria said, 'We are sorry honey, I promise we won't hurt you…' James added on in a joking tone, 'Yeah, I claim momentary insanity!' and then I killed him. I was totally unaffected by the humor in his voice, I simply used my powers too pull a spike of earth out of the ground, and then impaled him with it."

I was silent; I couldn't say anything if I wanted too.

"Maria screamed, and I pulled the same earth spike out of James and sent it into her, and in her last breath she asked me, 'W…h…y?' and I replied 'Momentary insanity.' And…then I laughed…I laughed at my own sick joke, laughed at Maria, who was now dead, laughed at the whole world for putting me here…"

I looked down at my feet, then said, "Well…they kinda deserved it…"

"Maybe…but the rest of that little suburban neighborhood didn't, I destroyed every house to vent my rage, I killed every last person there in cold blood. I finally realized what I had done was wrong, and so I did what I always did best, I ran away, ran to new place…maybe I'd destroy it too, maybe I wouldn't, but soon enough I'd leave and move on…"

I looked up to find Terra staring at me, "The one to finally help me control my powers was Slade, under the condition that help him destroy you all. So I'm happy that I died to be spared that fate…but as you can tell…than angels have their work cut out for them when it comes to sorting me."

"I see…" I mumbled and then looked over my shoulder back at the darkness, that cold, uninviting darkness.

"That is the way of life Beastboy, Dark, cold, hard…but there is someone, who needs you out there, so what do you choose Beastboy?" Terra asked me, I could feel her eyes boring into the back of my skull, "Dying is easy, but living is hard."

I sighed to myself, "You wouldn't let me pass on anyway…I'll go back."

Terra smiled as I turned around, "Thank you Beastboy…and I'm sorry that I kept what I did from you."

I started walking into the darkness and coldness whipped through my body, "It's all right…I understand…it was just momentary insanity…" I called back to her.

………………………….

I opened my eyes and saw the ceiling of the infirmary, I turned my head and looked to the right, beside the bed was Raven, who at the moment was fast asleep.

I turned my head to the left; there was an IV and some equipment there, but nothing else of major importance.

So I went back to staring at the ceiling, _"I won't be able to avoid this any longer…it is time to make a choice…"_

"_Hello boy."_

My eyes widened, _"Trigon! What are you doing in my head?"_

_"Oh, I'm just on vacation, thought I'd see some sites, since Raven has been so emotional lately I've been able to do a little traveling."_

"What do you want Trigon…"

_"You hold the key to destroying the world Beastboy, if you and my daughter become emotionally attached to each other, I will be free."_

_"Sounds like a real winner for you, why would you tell me this if you WANT to be free?"_ I asked with the utmost suspicion. 

"_Because my desire to keep you away from my daughter, out weighs my wish to be free." _Trigon replied, but it sounded scripted to me.

_"Well, you are one dad that I care if I have permission to date your daughter, I'm going to do what I want."_

_**"You little…**__fine, just remember it will be your fault what your hear the death cries of your teammates, all because you didn't listen."_

_"I look forward to the challenge."_

And with what I think was a scoff, he left my mind.

I stared at the ceiling for a couple minutes, not really thinking about anything, just staring.

"Beastboy!" A voice shouted I recognized it instantly as Raven's voice.

I turned my head towards her, "Hey." Was all I could say for the moment.

"Hey? That's all you've got to say? Beastboy, I had never been afraid of anything in my life like when I watched that Saw pass through you, and you finally wake up and say, 'Hey'?"

I smiled, "I told you we needed to talk after the battle."

Raven looked uncharacteristically vulnerable, "Oh…yeah…so you know…don't you?"

I nodded lightly as I propped myself against the headboard, my wound protested, but I wanted to be eye level with her.

"I'm sorry Beastboy, I killed her and you loved each other and-" Raven started

"-Stop." I interrupted, "Don't…I've…made peace with that, Terra, doesn't seem to mind much either…"

Raven did her best to keep her eyes locked with mine, but eventually turned away, "I was so selfish…Beastboy…I had a reason…behind what I did, in that spit second I let Terra die because..."

Raven stopped, I waited for her to continue, "Because she took hope away from me…not on purpose…just because I tried so hard to make myself n-numb, tried s-so h-hard to ignore my f-feelings…"

Raven paused again, I could tell this was hard for her, Raven was one of the most clearly spoken people I know, but she started to stutter slightly, she kept her head down as she spoke. "I lost the only l-light in my life…B-Beastboy…you were my light…"

I was about to say something when she said, "I… lo…l-love you B-B-Beastboy…I always have…and I know that after what I have done…you could never love me…I j-just wanted you to know."

She got up and started for the door, I saw tears in her eyes.

"**Stop her!"**I heard Terra say in my mind, **"Don't blow your chance at happiness!"**

"_If you cold forgive…Forgive her Beastboy… I knew way before I died that your heart belonged…belongs… to Raven."_ The thoughts of the past 48 hours flooded by me, ending with,_ "Love never dies Beastboy, never, it gets sick, it falters, and it gets wounded…but it never dies…unless you kill it."_

"Wait!" I shouted, Raven stopped, and started to turn, but stopped in the middle.

"Come back Raven."

"I…you...you don't want too…s-see me."

I shook my head, "Come back please…don't make me chase you." I said these words in a serious tone, I wasn't kidding, if she ran, I'd chase her, wounded or not.

Raven stood there for a moment, debating with herself, or maybe debating with Trigon, but after a moment she walked back to the chair and sat down.

"Beastboy, You can't really-

"-Lean closer…" I said softly, "Just please…lean closer…"

Raven hesitated, but after a moment did, until she was right next to me.

"What Beastboy?" She asked, now confused.

Then I kissed her, it took a bit of energy to move my body to lean in, but I kissed her, and after a moment of surprise, she kissed back.

I was about to say something, but blackness spread over my vision.

……………………………………………………..

A/N Okay, I'm evil, I know…I always write faster when someone is cheering me on you know…?

So, I was reading my reviews, only ONE person said anything about a sequel…and only ONE person (The same one) actually liked the RobxRae Idea, one, and I got two (or was it three…?) That hated the Idea…

In answer to one of the reviewers (I don't remember who at the moment) No, I'm not a lunatic, Star and Robin make a cute couple, I'm not saying they don't. But I get a feeling of…Closeness between Raven and Robin, the sense that they understand each other in a way, and so while yeah, it's quite possible to make a Robxstar fic, but I also see potential in a RobxRae fic too.

Besides, if you don't want to read a story, I'm not forcing you. So if my muse DOES decide that a RavenxRobin is in the future for my writers profile, you do have the right to skip past it.

Of course, my other reason for not wanting to write a Star and Robin story is because Starfire is hard to write (For me at least) I have an easier time getting into Raven's head that I do Star's…


	8. Destroying the Demon

Chapter Eight- Destroying the Demon

A/N This is the second to the last chapter…and while I'm sure this is not the longest fan fic you've read, it still feels like quite a ride to me. I want to thank you folks that reviewed, and thanks to all that have read, even if you don't think I'm worthy of a review, and as I said, I will be doing a Raexrob soon (I think…), and if I get some requests, a sequel to this…maybe…

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"-Lean closer…" Beastboy said softly, "Just please…lean closer…"

In my heart I knew what was coming, it knew what he was going to do just from the look in his eyes, and that part of me wanted it so badly it hurt.

_"You will be destroying the human race!"_ Trigon screamed.

_"It's worth it!"_ My mind screamed back as I leaned in.

"What Beastboy?" I asked, the part of me that knew what was coming was pushed to the side, and the part of me that really truly didn't know what was coming stepped in.

The part that said he was going to kiss me was right, he did, but that didn't lessen the shock of it, the electricity that passed between us, it really did take a moment for my mind to catch up, but when it did I leaned into him further.

I was about to pull back when darkness clouded my vision.

……………………………………………

When I opened my eyes I saw that I was surrounded by darkness, Beastboy was lying beside me, he slowly opened his eyes.

"Whoa…where…are we?" He mumbled.

I looked around, and I saw the confirmation of suspicions, A small patch of dark red in the blackness, "We are in my heart…" I said quietly.

Beastboy whistled softly, "Looks like I've got some work to do."

As he said that, for just a second, a patch of light appeared, but then vanished into the darkness

_"That was hope Raven…see how quickly it disappears around you?"_ A voice in the darkness said quietly. 

"Trigon!" I shouted, "What's going on!"

_"What do you think? I warned you both, but now you went and fell for each other anyway."_ Trigon sneered. 

"If it will free you, why do you care!" Beastboy shouted

"_Because after I kill you both I will only be free to roam in Raven's body, but that will do just fine!" _Trigon shouted, as he appeared right in front of us and shot a bolt of darkness at Beastboy, Who turned into a humming bird and avoided the shot.

And myself shot two blasts of darkness at Trigon, both of them missing their large mark.

_"You were always so easy to scare Raven! Always so easy to hurt inside!"_ Trigon was next to Beastboy in an instant; he grabbed him and cast a spell to prevent the use of either of our powers. 

"NO!" I shouted, and I started to run towards them.

Trigon squeezed Beastboy, who let out a sharp cry, _"Do you know what death does on the sprit plain? It kills the soul, That's right, once I kill you and take your body, little Beastboy will be mine to control, maybe I'll make it look like we are fine for awhile…fool the rest until their guard is down…but It'll be easy enough to kill them later…"_

"Raven…run…get…out of…here." Beastboy said as loud as he could before screaming in pain as Trigon squeezed him again.

"_Foolish boy, there is no escape, there is only one way out of this slumber, I kill you, or you kill me, that is it." _Trigun slammed Beastboy against the ground, _"And things are looking pretty good for me."_

Everything in my world went black, there was no hope left for me, none left for Beastboy, we were both going to die, we wouldn't be headed for Heaven or Hell, we would be the unmarked graves of the sprit world.

I feel to my knees, I was crying, crying louder than ever before, all was lost.

"_That's right, I've won, I told you all along Raven, I warned you, but you didn't listen to me, you never would." _Trigon looked at Beastboy, _"Want to get yourself out of this mess Beastboy? I want you to kill Raven for me; she would feel so much better if you did I'm sure. If you do, I'll let you live."_

"Go…to…Hell…" Beastboy sputtered through clinched teeth.

"No Beastboy! He's right…" I looked up with tears in my eyes, "I want you to kill me…better to die at the hands of the one I love and him survive…Than to die at the hands of my mortal enemy." I shouted, "I deserve it anyway…after what I did to Terra…"

Trigon threw Beastboy down on the ground in front of me.

"Raven…you…just…don't…under…stand…" He picked himself up off the ground by sheer force of will, "I'll lose my…soul either way…" He was determined, more determined that I had ever seen him.

Beastboy grabbed my shoulders and picked me up, I saw fire in his eyes I could swear, "RAVEN! I love you! DON'T YOU GET THAT! I don't WANT to live if you are dead!" He shouted in my face, "I don't care what you did to Terra, I don't care that you cold shouldered me every time I made a joke, and I don't care about life if you aren't with me!"

I started to cry harder, it was true, no dream, but a real, raw emotion, "Beastboy…" I breathed.

Trigon grabbed us both in one hand a started to crush us; _"It doesn't matter to me." _He sneered.

"I…Love…you…too…Beastboy…" I managed to choke out through the pain.

A small light appeared, and this time stayed open, at least I'd die with a little hope…

"**If you love each other then you have too win!" **I heard a voice shout I tried to look through my pain-closed eyes, and I saw her, she was flying in on what looked like a black marble disc specially made for her.

"Ter…ra…?" I barely said

"_What!" _Trigon shouted he dropped both of us to fend off a few rocks that Terra had with her.

"This is your heart Raven!" Terra shouted as she blocked two blows from Trigon, "Not his! You CAN win this!"

_"Shut your mouth little girl!"_ Trigon shouted as he slung his fist out and hit Terra, making her fall to the ground.

She turned her head to me "Raven! DON'T GIVE-" She was cut short by Trigon, he had smashed her with his foot.

_"Insect! How DARE you!"_

Time stood still for a moment, Beastboy screamed when Trigon moved his foot back and forth, as if putting out a cigarette, Trigon grinned, as if he were a cruel child killing a bug, and I stood up, not feeling anything but anger.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" I screamed, madness was taking over my mind, the darkness all around turned into a blazing white fire.

I concentrated, focused on using a power that was only for the best spell casters.

Teleportation.

I warped up to his face; "YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME SINCE MY BIRTH!" I shouted, unleashing the biggest wave of darkness I had ever conjured, and I did it without my magic words.

Trigon stumbled back two steps and I warped beside his head, "YOU STOLE FROM ME A GOOD FAMILY!" I let out another Darkness wave, this one bigger than the last, and Trigon stumbled again.

I warped behind him this time, "YOU KILLED MY EARILY FRIENDS!" Another blast, the white-hot anger that consumed my body and mind was unbelievable.

Trigon tried to anticipate my next move by watching his other side, the one I would end up next if I were following a pattern, but I warped right in front of him, "YOU TRIED TO KILL BEASTBOY!"

I shot him with a blast so powerful that he ended up on his back, I warped right above him, "But now I'm going to take something from you…YOUR LIFE!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, "AZARATH METREON ZINTHOS!" The blast that came from my hands was the largest, not only blast I had ever performed, but ever performed in general.

It was a blast filled with years of pent up emotion, anger, rage, hatred, loathing, It all came out at once, and the white fire around us drained away after I had shot him.

Trigon screamed as the very darkness he claimed to love so much tore his soul apart.

After the blast I fell, I used all my energy in that battle, I was lucky, Beastboy was there to catch me.

"Raven, are you okay!" he shouted at me.

"I'm…fine…take…me…to…Terra…" I managed to get out.

Beastboy carried me to Terra and set me down next to her, she looked awful, "Hey…" She said, "I told you…you could beat him…"

She coughed, and instead of regular blood, she coughed up a glowing substance.

"Terra…what…" Beastboy started.

Terra rolled her eyes, "It is blood Beastboy… lifeblood…and I'm almost out of it…"

She closed her eyes for a moment, then reopened them.

"I'm sorry I took so long to get here…they…had accepted me into…heaven…and I…was about to go…when I felt you two…"

"Don't talk… Terra…" I said to her softly.

"I knew…I had to…help…you…" Terra was fading, I shook her and she opened her eyes again.

She laughed an empty laugh, "I guess… I could have gone…in and…gotten my guardian angelship first…then I'd be impossible to kill…here…"

Terra coughed again, more lifeblood came from her, "But…I would have been…too…late…"

"Terra…" Beastboy whispered, he had been here before, beside her as she died before, the pain he must have felt…

"Hey…don't cry…" Terra smiled, even thought I'm sure she was in extreme pain, "I did this of my…own…free will…" Terra was drifting again, this time Beastboy shook her.

"This…is…goodbye…Beastboy…Raven…stay…alive…………be…………happy……" Terra mumbled barely above a whisper, then her body slowly faded until she was gone.

"Goodbye…Terra…" I heard Beastboy say, he got to his feet and turned his back to me.

"I'm sorry Beastboy…If I hadn't-" I started.

**"-NO!"** Beastboy shouted and turned, "I'll miss Terra, I'll miss her everyday for the rest of my life…But I've still got you, and if that's the price I had to pay…" Beastboy looked down, then back up at me, "Then I accept it. I love you Raven, I don't know how many times I'll have to say it before you really believe me, but I'll say it forever, just so you never forget. I. Love. You."

"Thank you…Beastboy…" White filled some of the darkness around me, and this time didn't disappear.

It was then that we both woke up.

………………………………………………………………………..

I was lying on Beastboy's chest when I woke up; he woke up with me.

The other Titans were all around us.

"Raven, What happened? Both your vital signs were going crazy." Robin said in his matter-of-fact tone, he hid the relief in his voice very well.

I looked at my arm to see I was hooked to another machine like Beastboy was, I took the wires out.

I went into my dark monotone, "Were are fine Robin. Ask Beastboy for the details, I'm going for a walk, I need to think."

I pushed past the other Titans, and they regarded me with concern, but none tried to stop me.

I walked up to my room and sat down in my circle of meditation, but this time, instead of hiding from Trigon, I was looking for him, I wanted to make sure he'd never bother me again.

I found nothing, so I shifted my thoughts to the events that had happened in the past few days…

And I smiled…

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Ah yes friends, that was the second to the last chapter of Comfort in the Arms of Darkness, all that's left is the Epilogue.

I want to thank all my reviewers, both on and Teen Titans Universe, thanks for your kind reviews.

I don't know if I'll be doing anymore Teen Titans fanfiction, It depends on the general reaction of my readers.

So do you guys and girls think I should keep writing this stuff?

Beastboy: Dude, how can you NOT write about me?

Me: Oh that's easy enough, it's Raven that I'd miss.

Raven: Aww, thanks Zeon.

Beastboy: Hey, you are supposed to be my girl!

Raven: Hmm…yeah, but the fanfic isn't over, maybe I'll end up with Slade…

Beastboy: NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!

Me: I think she is kidding Beastboy…

Beastboy: oh…I…uh…knew that…

Me: uh huh…Anyway folks, please read and Review, or the bomb that I've put in your body while you were asleep will explode.


	9. Comfort in the Arms of Darkness

Comfort in the Arms of Darkness

A/N Turn out the lights, the party is over…welcome to the last chapter of my little story, and thanks to strong demand, I'll try and write more TT fanfics, anyway, enjoy.

Disclaimer: Shut up, leave me alone.

Chapter 9- Comfort in the Arms of Darkness

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It took me three days to get better, I'm lucky that I heal so fast, but Raven's little walk has gone on for awhile now, I'm starting to think…maybe she was just using me…

No…what am I thinking, she wouldn't do that…

I walked behind Titans Tower to Terra's grave, I noticed that someone had carved something else into the headstone.

Terra.

A great friend and crime fighter.

A warrior's life cut far too short.

And A love that never had a chance to bloom.

An incredible teacher, and forgiving soul…thank you.

"Raven…" I mumbled as I bent down and picked up the chisel and hammer that was still lying there.

I carved into the stone, "An understanding savior who never quit fighting…even after death" under the last line.

I sighed "Hey…I know you can't hear me anymore now that you are gone…I guess that's my fault that you died. I should have been honest with Raven from the start…instead I took you because I thought she'd never take me…"

I sat down next to the headstone, "I stole a perfectly good life from you…you could have been happy with someone else I'm sure…they wouldn't hurt you…not like I did…"

"But I know if you were here right now you'd tell me that I made you happy, and that I need to go find Raven…you are right…I guess I do…"

I stood up and started towards the tower, I turned after a couple steps, "Thank you Terra…for everything…I love you…but now I have to let you go…I'm going to go find Raven…wish me luck…"

I walked towards to the tower and didn't look back.

……………………………………………………………

As soon as I walked through the front door I was greeted be Cyclops.

"She is up in her room BB, go see her." He said as I walked though the door.

"Jeez, what is it with you guys…don't be pushy." I said quietly.

Cyborg looked at me with a stern face, "You can walk, or I can drag you…you are goin' up there either way."

"Alright, Alright…" I walked to the elevator, the doors opened and Robin was inside, I stood aside to let him though, but he did not get out.

"Uh-" I was about to say something when Robin cut in with a serious, "Get in Beastboy."

I did as I was asked and Robin clicked the number of the floor with the bedrooms.

"She hasn't visited me…" I said quietly.

"She just wanted to sort things out in her mind…" Robin replied.

"Am I in trouble Robin?" I asked, I knew I wasn't, but I was eager to change the subject.

"Nope, we are just making sure you don't chicken out." Robin finally cracked a smile.

"Dude, I am gonna so get you for this…" I mumbled under my breath.

"And what will you do Beastboy?" Robin asked, seemingly half-serious, half-curious.

"_Hook you up with Starfire. Then bug YOU about it…" _I thought to myself.

"I don't know, I'll think of something." I said, pretending I didn't have a clue.

The elevator opened and Robin shoved me out, pressing the close door button behind me.

"Just you wait…" I mumbled under my breath.

"FRIEND BEASTBOY!" Starfire lunged at me from the end of the hall, knocking me too the ground.

"Friend Raven is waiting for you, go see her or…" Starfire pulled out a note.

"Suffer the consequences?" I guessed.

"Yeah! How'd you know?"

I sighed, "Sometimes it's just obvious."

Starfire smiled in a near normal fashion, "Beastboy…I'm proud of you. You have matured very much."

Starfire hugged me, and then went back to being the Starfire everyone was used too, "Now, we must bring you to your court!"

"I can walk by myself Star…"

She gave me that creepy knowing smiled and nodded me down the hallway.

"_Either she has always known more than she let's on…or she got into Cyborg's romance movie collection…" _I thought as I turned the corner to the hall with Raven's room.

I walked nearby and saw the door was open.

"Beastboy." It was Raven, she was using her monotone voice again.

"_Oh no…Don't tell me She is going back to…no please no…We killed Trigon didn't we, please don't tell me she changed her mindohgodohgodohgod…"_ My thoughts were starting to run together when Raven said, "Please come in."

All my thoughts stopped as I walked though her door, with my head down.

"So uh…how is life without Trigon." I asked as I stared at my boots.

"It's good, I have one-hundred percent control on my powers now, no need to worry about my emotions screwing up my life." Raven said in the same monotone.

"_If that's the case why are you still talking like that? Why monotone..." _I thought, for the first time noting I really needed new boots.

"Look at me Beastboy. It's rude not to look someone in the eye when you speak to them."

"_She's going to tell me I don't have a chance…" _I thought as I slowly raised my head.

My eyes widened, she was grinning, Raven was actually grinning.

She was sitting on the end of her bed, legs crossed at her ankles, she had her hood down at the moment.

"Of course, without needing to keep Trigon in check, I have little use for meditation other than to clear my thoughts…That frees up a lot of time."

I was still in shock seeing Raven grin, "So what…are you going to spend that time on?"

"Hmm…I guess I could spend some time with Starfire and go shopping for some other clothes…color might be nice every now and then…" she shrugged, "Maybe learn some hand to hand combat from Robin…"

My head was drifting back to my boots.

"Spend some time with Cyborg and learn some electronics… Maybe you could teach me how to cook…"

"So that's it huh…" I said quietly.

"What else would there be Beastboy?" Raven looked puzzled.

"Nothing…cooking class starts tomorrow morning…" I turned and started to walk though the door.

"Of course I still have lots of time left over, even after all that…I've got it!" Raven shouted.

"What…?" I said quietly.

"I could spend it with the one I love the most, and let myself laugh at his jokes, and spend my time loving him, and thanking him for saving me…"

I looked up, my back was still turned to her.

"That is…if he still wants me…"

I turned back to her, she looked uncertain, "I was afraid you-" I started.

"-lost interest in you?" Raven finished, "Beastboy, I couldn't stop loving you when you were taken, why would I now?"

I looked to the floor, "I'll always miss her…" I mumbled.

"Come here Beastboy…" Raven said, I walked over and sat next to her on her bed.

She wrapped her arms around me and said, "It'll all be alright."

I had finally found what I was looking for, the missing piece of my life and my heart.

I had found Comfort in the Arms of Darkness.

……………………………………………………

"So you have finally found love Eh, Beastboy? Good, since I need to prepare for awhile I'll let you enjoy being happy for awhile, she will be much more useful now that I won't have to deal with her father…"

"Master, what about Terra? I may be able to save her soul from the abyss."

"Do it, if we can find a proper body for her she may be of use to us."

"Yes Master."

"Little Raven isn't scared anymore hmm…You should be…this is where it really begins…"

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Well kids, that's the end of this story.

Now for a very important question…

Are you happy with your life insurance?

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Sorry, wrong question…

What I mean to ask was, Do you want me to continue this story, for I warn you, People will change, new bonds will be made as others are severed, it shall be a long journey if you want to see it walked.

If you don't, please just tell me and I'll cut it off right here and now.

But no matter what, since this is the last chapter, you have NO excuse not to review, good, bad, I don't care, I just want reviews, and while you are at it, tell me if a sequel is in order.


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